I am in the process of compiling a list of the worst films ever made. There are many obvious choices (Battlefield Earth, Plan 9 from Outer Space, etc) but I want to expose other films which are always overlooked when someone puts together a list like this. First up, M. Knight Shaylamalan’s The Village.

I suggest you leave now if you actually want to see the movie, or if you can’t read… and if you can’t read, feel free to call me at home, anytime, and I will laugh at you. Of course, the joke will be on me because if you can’t read, everything I just said to you was just a bunch of weird looking squiggly lines.

*drum roll* (played by a drummer in a gorilla costume)

There is just so much to talk about in this drama/piece of crap/horror/comedy that I don’t know where to begin… I’ll break down my review of this truly exquisite movie into a few, more focused, sections.

THE BLIND GIRL
Totally believable! There wasn’t a second in the movie where I didn’t believe she was blind– even when she would look directly into others actors’ eyes! And even when her father came to the doorway behind her and she said “oh hi dad, I know it’s you even though I’m blind and my back is turned, and you didn’t make any noise to suggest it was you” – So convincing! In fact by the end of the movie I was convinced that I was blind!

THE MONSTER
Alright, some might think that it makes more sense to reveal that the monster is just a handicapped guy in a costume AFTER the big monster-chases-girl scene, but not M. Knight Shaylaalamalan. He switches it up and reveals the twist AND THEN has an extremely long scene of a man in a monster costume stumbling after a “BLIND” (see above) girl. It is terrifying. I peepee many times. MORE…