I wanted to share a project that began with a name.

My father gave me a book with a question for a title: Kottayathu Ethra Mathai Undu? (How Many Mathais Are There in Kottayam?) by Malayalam filmmaker John Abraham. I grew up in Kerala, where Mathai is the Malayalam form of Matthew. The distance between those two names made me think about the ways we learn to change ourselves in order to belong and what gets lost when we do.

I had done this myself. After moving to the UK I started introducing myself as Kiki. It felt like a small part of my roots being uprooted so I could be easier to hold.

So I went back to Kerala looking for Mathais. Instead I found an absence. Not one of the 31 men I photographed was under 55.

To speak a name is to insist on its place in the world.

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